Psychology of a lonely man. male loneliness. Why guys and men are lonely. Causes of male loneliness

It is a proven fact that both men and women suffer equally from loneliness.

Indeed, there are many men in the world who do not have only a beloved woman or friends. , but also just acquaintances with whom one could spend time and somehow escape from the oppressive emptiness. Often such representatives of the stronger sex suffer from their condition, cannot understand its causes, and therefore do not find a way out of this situation. Let's try to understand the causes of male loneliness.

Very often, weak-willed and insecure men suffer from loneliness. In such a representative of the stronger sex, a woman does not feel confident, a “strong shoulder” is nearby, cannot rely on him, which means she is uncertain about the future next to such a man. And appearance plays absolutely no role here. It is quite difficult for these guys to meet the one who is ready to take responsibility for the future of the couple.
Strong men can also fall into a vicious cycle of loneliness. There are many individuals who will never admit to others in their weaknesses and will not tell frankly about their loneliness. Being close to the woman they love prevents them from male pride, the belief that being “cold” in a relationship is masculine, and “veal tenderness” makes them weak and supple. Such men never ask for forgiveness, considering it the lot of the weak, and thereby repel love from themselves, prolonging their loneliness. It is easier for them to hit the table with their fist or knock down the door than to hug.
Another reason for loneliness is male infantilism. In this state, the representatives of the stronger sex behave like a child, showing carelessness and selfishness, as well as moving away from reality. These individuals spend most of their lives playing games and entertainment, avoiding solving problems in every possible way. Women, of course, do not know how to read minds, but they subtly feel the mood of a man, his inability and unwillingness to think realistically and think about a joint future.
But there are still cases when a man spent most of his life with his mother and grew up , which is called "sissy", that is, too dependent on her. In this case, the mother has a serious influence on her son, which, of course, will not please the potential bride. Here there is a problem of psychological development, because parental education did not end with gaining independence. Such a man has practically no chance to build a harmonious relationship with a girl, since his attachment to his mother is too strong.
These are far from all the reasons for the loneliness of men, there are many others, like, for example, one of our heroes.

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male loneliness. Why are men lonely?

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Living alone is much better than among unfulfilled promises and false love... Recently, such phrases are increasingly heard in the conversations of men. And everything would be fine, but many of them do not understand that loneliness is like a swamp - the more you flounder, the faster you sink.

Experts spoke about male loneliness, causes and ways to overcome it.

Male loneliness: an accident or a pattern

It's not just women who suffer from loneliness. Male loneliness is also not uncommon, it’s just that it’s not customary to talk about it like about female. In post-Soviet society, few people condemn bachelors who live on their own, while single women are “stigmatized”. But it is just as difficult for men to cope with long loneliness as for women, because this loneliness is not at all accidental. Most often, the reasons for loneliness lie in the previous relationship of a man who for some reason did not work out, sometimes it happens that the reasons are in the upbringing of the man himself, for example, he believes that his chosen one should be ideal, and where to find one.

Loneliness of men through the eyes of women

Women perceive single men as a potential "trophy". Few of them think why a man over 30 or a man over 40 is lonely, why he prefers chronic loneliness to his family, does not want to start a serious relationship. It seems to them that this is simply due to the fact that he did not meet the very one, the only one that will win his heart. Perhaps this is true, but most often we are talking about depression, loneliness syndrome and other causes that need to be seriously addressed. In other words, most often a young man needs to be treated, and not try to brighten up loneliness so that he understands that here she is - the ideal woman that he has been waiting for for years.

Are there any consequences of male loneliness

The consequences of male loneliness are just as negative as those of women. You should not think that men are stronger creatures who can't care less about all the troubles. Psychology and esotericism are full of examples when a man, having decided to put up with loneliness, received a whole “bouquet” of problems. Problems in personal life sooner or later begin to "corrode" a person's life. Many start having problems in their careers, many men follow the path of self-destruction, carried away by alcohol or some kind of addictions and addictions. Problems are growing like a snowball and now the life of single men does not seem as wonderful as before.

Living alone is much better than among unfulfilled promises and false love ... Recently, such phrases are increasingly heard in the conversations of men.

Causes of male loneliness

Failures in previous relationships

If some woman broke the heart of a man, then he may decide to live alone and not let anyone else into his heart and house. Not only women suffer from the fact that their feelings were not shared, but their love was betrayed. If the feelings were very strong, then a man can also become a loner.

Finding the perfect woman

A man could draw a picture of his future companion in such bright colors that now he simply cannot meet a woman who will match her. So he has to put up with loneliness until he finds his ideal. But the search for the ideal can take years.

Negative attitude towards marriage

The choice of loneliness may be dictated by the fact that a man has a bad attitude towards marriage. Most often this happens when he has bad examples. For example, his parents lived like a dog with a cat, and the man believes that marriage is bad, constant scandals, crying children, duties.

Lack of family values

There are also men who pretend to be Casanova and change women like gloves. They do not have family values for some reason, they see no reason to limit themselves to one woman. Such bachelors prefer to make pleasant acquaintances for one or more nights.

financial instability

Some men do not want to start a serious relationship because they do not have a stable income. Most often, these are free men who, with age, understand that a family is a house, a wife and children, and you have to pay for all this. They are unable or unwilling to bear this financial burden.

The positive aspects of loneliness

If loneliness is temporary, then there is nothing wrong with it. While a man does not have a family, he can engage in personal and professional growth, build a career, play sports, and have fun with friends. The main thing is that this period does not drag on, because the danger of loneliness is that the habit of being alone develops imperceptibly. But it is difficult to see the line beyond which the desire to be alone becomes chronic.

Negative sides of loneliness

As we have already said, the main thing is that the desire to be alone does not drag on for many years. As soon as it becomes chronic, you will have to seriously engage in the fight against loneliness. Bad habits appear imperceptibly, but it takes a lot of work to eradicate them. Many men have to turn to psychologists or esoteric specialists in order to get rid of the pain of loneliness and build a family.

And everything would be fine, but many of them do not understand that loneliness is like a swamp - the more you flounder, the faster you drown.

Ways to deal with male loneliness

Sport

Sports and healthy lifestyles are an excellent cure for all ills, including the fear of loneliness. In addition, in a sports club or on a stadium track, there is every chance to meet a woman who will win the heart of a man. You should not sit at home within four walls and run along the same route: home - work - home.

Work

To survive loneliness, you can go headlong into work. This is a particularly good recipe for younger years, when a man is just starting to climb the career ladder. While there is no family, he will be able to find time for everything that men who have a family and children cannot afford.

Home pet

Getting a pet is one of the best recipes for dealing with the effects of loneliness. This may be a dog that will help overcome the fear of loneliness, because you will have to walk with it, which means leaving the house. Or some other animal that a man will like.

Friends

True friends will help you get out of any troubles, including the quagmire of loneliness. These can be the same bachelors as the man himself, or family (but always with a happy family life). The second option is even better, as a man will be able to get used to the idea of a family.

Hobby

An interesting hobby will help you forget about your psychological problems (and total loneliness is one of them). Ideally, if the hobby is associated with a healthy lifestyle and communication with other people, and not sitting at home all day. So tanks are unlikely to pass for a hobby.

How to get rid of the fear of loneliness

Despite the pros and cons of loneliness, most men still do not want to be alone for the rest of their lives. If you notice signs of a single man in yourself, we advise you to contact a psychologist or a specialist in the field of esotericism. At first glance, it seems that there is nothing terrible in loneliness, you can be a bachelor until the age of 40, and then one fine morning get married, build a house, plant a tree and raise a son. In fact, single men face a mountain of complexes, fears and blocks that prevent them from being happy in love. And the later this realization comes to them, the harder it is to get rid of them.

If you are facing a similar problem, contact the Astro7 experts. free for new customers!

Excerpt from the book "Loneliness of Men", AST, Yulia Rubleva, 2013.

Sometimes I think with horror what it's like to be a man.

By and large, no one thinks about him, about a man. What is it like for him to live? More people think about seals and fur seals.

Everyone (let's not point a finger) thinks only about whether he loves or does not love. Does, doesn't. Will come, will not come. Will change, won't change. A woman dependent on a man is like a prisoner whose arms have been twisted and tied with elbow joints to someone else. To her man. As soon as he moves, she hisses, "it hurts me." When he freezes, she pulls - why are you frozen? You are alive? How do you feel about me?
This I exaggerate, as always.

But by and large, look in the mirror. A woman who either no longer expects anything from him, or whom he calls mother, can truly think about a man.

More and more men I know complain about loneliness. They look lonely. They choose loneliness. Sometimes they need us to just stroke them and not ask questions. To my shame, I can stroke, but most of the time I can't help asking questions. Because I'm worried about myself. Does it apply to me. Most of the women I know in one way or another, not by washing so hard, pull the attitude out of men. At least some.

Meanwhile, the man gets tired and closes his eyes. He no longer wants to see his business, or his woman, or his global responsibility for everything.

If he can't do something, he's an asshole. He lives with the feeling "I'm an asshole", and he does not have the magic word "but". It's easier for us. I'm not doing well at work, but my husband is good. I have no husband, no job, but legs. And chest. Well, yes, I'm fat, but Katya is even fatter.

For men, this "but" for some reason does not work. Their rules are honest, strict and simple. You have big balls, but no career? Well, you're an asshole. You have a Bentley, but you don't have a woman you love? Well, you're an asshole. Do you have a woman you love, but don't have a Bentley? Well, you're an asshole.

They are forever embedded in competition - once, and in the hierarchy - two. They are always figuring out who is the puppy and who is in charge on the court. And, sometimes, when they come home, they just want to lie face down and close their eyes. Alone. Because if not alone, then again an asshole. Weak and dumb.

I could never be a man. I'm a weakling and a bully, and often roar under the covers. And no one will say a word to me. I won't say a word to myself. And real heroes have a strict taboo on self-pity.

I was young and my husband was building a business. In the 90s. He came home and lay down with his eyes closed. And I wanted him to talk to me. And he spoke. Barely alive from exhaustion.

Then, already in my unmarried life, I wanted something else from my beloved men. To love. To get married. To roses. Do not hurt me. Do not move. Or not: move - and do me good. What do they feel about it?

The further into the forest, the less I understand it. And when I have enough imagination to imagine that sometimes they just need to be accepted and understood, and kept silent, and brought tea, and all this - not today and not tomorrow, but for a long, long time, until everything gets better - then it seems to me that I understand everything. Then the sex disappears, and there are just two adults who can do something good for each other. Supportive. Friendly. Loving.

For the first time in my life, I'm seriously thinking about it. I think they are getting more and more lonely and neglected amid all these courses for bitches and female self-reliance. And they can't tell anyone about this, about their growing loneliness. And from this pitiful place, from this anxiety, I can no longer want something from a man. Although from the point of view of successful women, I turn out to be a complete asshole. After all, I don’t have a fur coat, a husband, and even a regular “good night” text message. So don't take my example, don't.

Loneliness as a socio-psychological phenomenon and condition is associated with the lack of close ties and attachments. This is a big problem of society, a psychological epidemic of a big city. In this article, we will make a distinction by highlighting the features of male loneliness, outlining its main causes. Let's try to answer some questions. Can male loneliness be the norm? How to form a relationship with a mature single man, and if so, what is their prognosis? What models of relationships with a single man can end in the creation of a family?

There are many reasons for male loneliness. There are two groups of reasons why a man over 30 prefers to be alone. The first group is pathological, i.e. reasons associated with a particular negative personality deformation or pathology. The second group - causes of an existential nature.

Among the pathological causes, we highlight:

Inadequate self-esteem of a man;
- poor communication skills of contacts with other people;
- the presence of social phobia;
- psychopathology;
- the presence of codependence;
- infantilism.

Inadequate self-esteem of a man

Building a close relationship with another person means being open to feedback about your talents and abilities. If a man is not ready to be evaluated, or he initially understands that such an assessment can be low (and therefore painful for him), then he decides to leave the procedure for assessing his personality, understanding it as the formation of new relationships (refusing and from them). He is simply not ready to lower or raise inadequate self-esteem to an adequate level, which could happen with the participation of a loved one.

Poor communication skills in dealing with other people

Often this personal immaturity is based on shyness, and behind it is the trauma of early childhood or adolescence. I will give an example from my practice, when a boy of 12 decided to approach one of the girls standing in a group of others. This communicative act ended badly for him, they laughed at him, humiliated him. 10 years after the described stories, he was at my reception, with a problem of shyness when in contact with girls.

Presence of social phobia

Here the causes of social dysfunction lie deeper. They may be associated, for example, with the early social development of the child, which was imposed on him by adults. For example, a child was sent to a kindergarten when he was not psychologically ready for this, i.e. his communicative development was a bit late. This position of adults led to fear, deep psychological trauma. Already in the garden, such a boy preferred to play alone in a remote corner of the room, content with saving loneliness.

Psychopathology

Psychopathologies such as autism, depression, alcoholism and schizophrenia are becoming more and more the reason for the isolation of men. For example, male loneliness can hide depression. A man for a long period has a low mood background, dreary thoughts, attention is fixed mainly on negative events of the past, all perception of reality occurs mostly in gloomy tones. A patient with depression sometimes greatly irritates those around him with his gloominess, and often does not find understanding from them and does not receive psychological support. Such a man scares away, others just want to hide from him, moving further and further away.

The presence of codependency

For example, a strong emotional attachment of a young man to his mother. In such relationships, each participant contributes a part of what he needs from the other to create his psychological completeness and security. The attention of the subjects of codependence of each turns out to be focused on the personality of the other (and not on oneself). Codependent people try to establish control over each other, hoping that the other will behave exactly as he would like. Codependency is the result of developmental delay, it is directly related to education and the incompleteness of the stage of establishing psychological autonomy. Such a man has problems with setting personal boundaries. This personal deformation occurs due to the incompleteness of solving one or more tasks of personality development in early childhood.

infantilism

The essence of infantilism is that a man prefers to behave like a child, showing extreme egoism and carelessness, negativism, to avoid contact with reality. He spends a huge amount of time in games and entertainment, withdrawing from solving problems. Often these are people with a weak nervous system, prone to creative self-expression, a contemplative attitude towards the world around them. A person endowed with such interesting psychological characteristics cannot properly implement them in society, being content with the role of a “child”. In an infantile person, creativity is replaced by useless-childish fantasizing, purposefulness is transformed into grouchiness and the need to blame everyone for the fact that he cannot do anything in life, energy is spent not in the space of his beloved work, but in empty pastime. In speech, a huge number of phrases and beliefs are heard, which in form have adult logic and vocabulary, but childish content.

A man does not see the logical reasons and benefits to show his masculinity, as a child, he is in an advantageous, expectant position that saves him from condemnation from the bisexual society.

Parents' inattention to the process of raising a boy, letting the formation of his volitional, moral and motivational sphere of personality take its course - these are the conditions for the formation of infantilism. Satisfaction of the material needs of the child does not always occur against the background of the absence of parental love. This feeling on the part of the family may even be too much, but in education there is no important component regarding the formation of the social aspects of the boy's personality. Therefore, with age, a man has a too weak will, he is a slave to his desires, he does not know how to give them up, to sacrifice himself for someone or something, and against the background of the benefits of being a child, the man refuses to become an adult.

Infantilism develops due to unsatisfied needs in childhood, primarily related to play activities. When a man's childhood was gloomy, perhaps even traumatic, poor in bright and positive emotions, then in adulthood, he seeks to compensate for the lost. Faced with a new, bright, unusual, the needs repressed into the unconscious are objectified, and begin to lead the life of a man, turning off his will and sound mind. Such a man carries an inferiority complex in himself, running away from him into useless activities.

These reasons often overlap. So a man can be infantile, while having inadequate self-esteem and low communication skills.

To form a relationship with a single man, it is important to differentiate between personality underdevelopment and psychopathology. In the first case, communication can have a positive impact on a man (develop his personality, in terms of communication skills, strengthen confidence and self-esteem), while in the second case, persistence in showing attention, imposing communication can lead to uncontrollable negative consequences.

The existential causes of male loneliness are more about how loneliness can be the norm, and about how loneliness can enrich the subject with useful and valuable. Therefore, among others, we highlight the following reasons:

Male loneliness as an element of spiritual growth;
- loneliness as a kind of subculture acceptable to the subject;
- loneliness, hiding socially unapproved behavior;
- loneliness as an element of self-sufficiency of the individual;
- loneliness as part of the subject's profession.

Male loneliness as an element of spiritual growth

If earlier we said that male loneliness can be a component of personal deformation, underdevelopment of the personality, then in this case, on the contrary, we are dealing with the pinnacle of personality development.

To illustrate this type of male loneliness, let's give an example from the Christian (Orthodox) tradition - hermitage. This tradition is an ascetic renunciation of worldly life according to various beliefs with the maximum restriction of social ties and removal to desert places. In Buddhism, Islam and other religious and mystical directions, there are similar practices of renouncing social contacts, depriving oneself of communication. Often, hermitage is a saving flight from social danger (for example, remember the Old Believers who hid from the persecution of the authorities), but still today this practice is associated with spiritual development.

Interestingly, the essence of hermitage is prayer (in Eastern spiritual practice - meditation); fasting - restriction in food; silence. Interestingly, almost all of this list is included in the recommendations that psychologists and psychotherapists give to their clients in the context of personal development. The only thing is that silence is rather recommended in the form of verbal restraint, as the ability not to react immediately, but to think over (keep silent), and then answer.

Loneliness as a kind of subculture acceptable to the subject

It is a well-established fact that loneliness in general is more developed in cities than in small towns. As a form of survival (maybe a protest form), a certain community (or even a subculture) is formed that supports this form of life in men. An example is a private men's club formed around a certain topic or idea - business, politics, sports, Cuban cigars, horses or something else. Men come to such clubs, realizing the need to communicate with “serious people” on “serious topics”. They come in alone and come out alone, having been reaffirmed in their worth.

Loneliness hiding socially frowned upon behavior

Two examples. In Russia, a single man can be a homosexual, who for everyone is an inveterate bachelor. He agrees with this role, because. Homosexuality in our society is still a condemned phenomenon. While in England, he will no longer be a loner, but a representative of Gay culture, where this way of contact with society is considered the norm. Another example from the world of crime. These are thieves in law who are not allowed by the rules of this subculture to start families for security reasons.

Loneliness as an element of self-sufficiency of the individual

The development of personality has led a man to a certain harmony, when he simply does not need deep emotional experiences (but is not afraid of them, they are burdensome and meaningless for him). Either the personality profile of the subject suggests solitude. For example, introverts tend to be more lonely than extroverts.

Loneliness as part of the subject's profession

We are more eager to classify a man as a writer who lives alone on an island and writes books (true books), rather than some society lady who calls herself a writer and does not get out of society parties. Why is that? Probably, something here is from the above-mentioned tradition of hermitage, within the framework of which a person must gain some unprecedented revelations. Those. for his suffering associated with the rejection of the world and communion with it, he must receive something valuable, desired by us. This mystery creates the charisma of the writer. Those. loneliness is a key component of a particular profession. Here you can name such professions - philosopher, artist, mathematician, psychotherapist, collector. The listed professions are more likely to be classified as male than female.

As a separate cause-phenomenon that also affects the male community, dooming some of its members to loneliness, one should single out female self-sufficiency. Whether we want to put up with it or not, in modern society there are more and more women who do remarkably well without men (we are not talking about lesbians here). They were before, but before they were ashamed of their loneliness, and now, they do not do this, but on the contrary, declare themselves as a force, often scaring men away with frankness and cynicism. Moreover, such a statement can not only sound in the submodalities of feminism. Not at all necessary. This may be a self-made business woman, who has achieved a certain well-being, and quite reasonably asking the question - why do I need a weak man? In men, after contact with such women, due to the fact that our brain constantly generalizes, a conviction is born, an attitude that it is better to be alone. They seem to be infected by these ideological attitudes.

What is the difference between male loneliness and female loneliness? Male loneliness (and in this case we are talking about loneliness, which is based on existential reasons) often comes from a volitional decision, and female from agreement with fate. Such words as “freedom” and “freedom” resonate very much, the latter implies freedom. Those. to gain freedom, you need to make some kind of strong-willed effort, to show will, to do an act, to become a hero. Therefore, a man is more often perceived as a person who can commit a strong-willed act, and therefore become free.

Men have reasons to be single, and women have reasons to let go of their loneliness. Women are more likely to think about the issue of marriage, because. they plan to have children (they just have to do it in time for physiological reasons). A woman who gives birth is an accomplished woman - in a broad sense. A single man is a desirable man.

Today, at the forefront, you can observe a female neurosis, which I can call - "Why am I not married yet." A woman is afraid of being unmarried, and this gives rise to neurotic activity. When she marries, this neurosis transforms into wild jealousy, which can destroy relationships. Perhaps this is due to the fact that in her childhood she did not receive the care and warmth of her father, who sought to survive in the conditions of the collapse of the USSR and the construction of a new state. Having not received paternal care, this grown-up girl acquired a neurosis. Such a neurosis would rather lead to the crown of a lonely man, whose loneliness is based on psychopathological reasons, rather than existential ones. Women obsessed with neurosis, I begin to feel sorry for such a man, and then “save” him from the injustice of his mother, alcohol, drugs, and other misfortunes. Thus, they create codependency. They do not realize that a man remains lonely in such a relationship, saddening such a woman for trying to create the illusion of her happiness (family happiness - for a less selfish woman) against the backdrop of a man's personal tragedy. In his unconscious there will always be the image of a little boy stretching out his childish hand to his neurotic cold mother who does not accept his love.

Does it make sense to form a relationship with a mature single man, and, if so, what is their prognosis? To answer the question, you need to know the reasons for the loneliness of a person. But the complexity of resolving this issue lies in the fact that if these causes are pathological, then most likely they can be hidden and psychologically protected.

What models of relationships with a self-sufficient man can result in the creation of a family? Actually, the very model of relations stems from the type of loneliness of a man, as well as from the desire of a woman to share such loneliness. For example, a Russian pop star marries a gay man, which forms the image of a desired woman in the eyes of the public, and can be a scandalous woman if the age difference is more than 20 years. Here, the forecast of relations depends on how long the participants in such an alliance will receive dividends. What can be an ideal model of marriage with a single man over 30 years old? Keeping in mind that there are no ideal models, let's try to describe such a model. Take a man who has found existential loneliness as a valuable component of his life. And also a woman who is free from the “Why am I not married yet?” neurosis. For in other cases, such subjects of relationships, before forming relationships, should undergo personal and family psychotherapy.

A healthy model of any relationship can be born only from the contact of two people with a mature, self-sufficient personality, which creates the preconditions for respect and understanding of each other. When a man is psychologically mature, he needs a relationship that will strengthen his personality, preserving what he has acquired for himself, which is valuable to him. Sometimes women clumsily begin to criticize or somehow speak of what a man has achieved. It is better to rely on this, to defend his achievements, among which loneliness is a strong-willed desire for freedom. This will make it clear to the man that they are not trying to take away his freedom (which, as we wrote, is based on a strong-willed message to go into loneliness). Around a new relationship, he may create a new motive, which will become the reason for concluding an agreement (creating a family). But at the same time, one should not allow a man to be selfish. It is important that the logic of the development of the relationship process leads him to the understanding that he can not only receive in these relationships, but also give. And when he gives, his self-sufficient essence will develop even more and faster, gradually transforming into a relationship of cooperation and support, opening up new horizons for the development of a man's soul.

Sincerely yours, Pavel Ponomarev

A single man is not only not a unique phenomenon, but not even a rarity. Every sixth man is single formally, every fifth - in fact. A modern single man is not the former unkempt, unshaven, eternally hungry subject who is terribly afraid of women, and in the evenings dreams of meeting a "beautiful stranger." On the contrary, the current bachelor is fit, perfectly shaved and well dressed.

He is able to cook dinner no worse, and sometimes better than the most skilled cook, ironing a shirt and even trousers is not a problem for him, his apartment can compete with the operating room in cleanliness. In addition, modern single men do not experience financial difficulties (unless they "pawn behind the collar" beyond measure).

However, the state of mind of such a man, especially after 40 years, leaves much to be desired. The possibility of depression increases, chronic diseases become aggravated, vitality decreases. Of course, exceptions are possible from any rule, but statistics inexorably show that single men (widowers and divorced) live 5-10 years less than family people.

For all their merits, single men are much worse at organizing a home after 40 than widows, single or divorced women. Men are less likely to "go out", pay less attention to their cultural life.

It is known from scientific research that married men - strange as it may seem to those weary of family life - are more satisfied with themselves than beans. They are also better acclimatized to work and are more likely to succeed. So there is no doubt that a wife is very, very "useful" for a man, at least as an "elixir of longevity."

Modern men want to see in their wife not only a good housewife and a sexually attractive woman, but also a partner with equal intelligence. Nevertheless, the vast majority of men see the real "place" of a woman at the hearth.

At the same time, acting as a "partner with equal intelligence", women need to remember one important thing: men are able to completely forget about all domestic problems as soon as they cross the threshold of the office. This is not due to frivolity or irresponsibility. It's just that men are not able to think about several things at the same time. The only exception was, perhaps, Gaius Julius Caesar, but the great Roman hardly had to think about what he was asked to buy for dinner.

Sometimes it comes to a paradox. Other men are so passionate about their work that they always exist in some other dimension, creating a world inside themselves where you can’t get through. This is partly the reason for that peculiarity of pundits who are carried away by, say, science, which is called, relatively speaking, the absent-mindedness syndrome. They tell, for example, about one astronomer: when he left his house, he called home and in a changed voice asked the household if they knew where he himself was going today. It turns out that he completely forgot where he was supposed to go. Another venerable professor once came to the university in slippers, being at the same time not at all crazy, but pondering the scenario of a pick with opponents at the academic council from evening to morning.

It is said, however, that a woman has an analytical mind, while a man has a synthetic mind. Free views, broad horizons, comprehensive solutions - this is how a real man should interpret problems. The Paris Center for Marriage Preparation among the male traits that enrich the general concept of the world, names the following: action, understanding the weight of external actions, a strong body, mental balance, despotism, egoistic independence, the ability to draw conclusions, theoretical views, masking emotions.

This is theory. In practice, most often a man in the house is ... only a natural opponent of his own wife, especially mother-in-law. Selfish independence is possible only with complete household security: from 10 to 20 percent of married men believe that "household chores are not a man's business."

Understanding the weight of external actions means most often banging on the table with a fist and shouting: “Who is the boss in the house?!”, there is no disguise of emotions as such, theoretical views are manifested only on issues of foreign (less often domestic) policy, a “strong organism” goes wrong due to for the slightest cold, mental balance, as they say, leaves much to be desired, and the ability to draw conclusions ... however, who learns from the mistakes of others? Really smart people try not to make mistakes.

In addition to the "average" man, there is also a "man with complexes." As a rule, this is an apathetic person who eats too much, sleeps too much and works little, at best working through force. His belly grows and his dislike for the whole world increases. The crisis, poor organization of labor, inflation - all this is oppressive, and it is not easy to "flourish" on such soil.

In addition, no matter how insulting it may seem to men, they are much less adapted to the so-called "extreme conditions" than a woman. For example, they react much sharper and more painfully than women to external natural factors and to changes in the environment. To this should be added the biological weakness of the man.

The body of a woman is protected by a powerful hormonal shell. But nature itself, nature, puts a man at risk, because, "creating" a man, it did not at all lay in him the "double" and "triple" margin of safety necessary for bearing, giving birth and feeding children. It is useless to be offended and complain here: no matter how wise they are with natural laws, they eventually take their toll - and with interest.

This is partly why the world is now witnessing an absolutely stunning phenomenon of increasing mortality among men. Young men die between 25 and 59 years old, full of strength and energy. In any case, a man on average lives 8 years less than his peers.

It's time to exclaim: take care of the men! Alas, in most cases, men themselves shorten their lives. Singles may live better, but less. Family - harder, but longer. Choose for yourself which option suits you personally. Just remember that bargaining is inappropriate here.

Tatyana Zelenina. SAMARA

TO THE MAINHEAVENLY HORSESHOE